he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
