um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
