I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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