His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
