Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
