Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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