I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
