from now on my penis is your penis
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
