I bet he comes in French.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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