Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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