she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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