Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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