remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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