I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize