I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
