Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
