i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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