how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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