Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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