best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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