when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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