Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
