Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
