u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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