What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
