Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
