do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
