You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
