I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's never too late to be topless.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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