Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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