I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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