im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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