I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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