there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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