Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
