I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
