and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
