Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
