I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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