I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
