i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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