I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
