is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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