part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
