I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
