U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
