her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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