i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
