I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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