Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
