Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
