I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
