i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
sarcasm needs its own font
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
