I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
