Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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