I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
