I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
