Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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