just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
