even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
