Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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