i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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