dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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