He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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