Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
