I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My life is pants optional.
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