She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again