"it" just moved
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
