I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
