Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize