on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
