I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
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