If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
