hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
