I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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