i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
